Sunday, February 26, 2006
a goodbye...?hey... it has been a while. urrmm.. onli a few days actually but trust me, a few days made ALOT of difference in my life...
guess wat? i have a new blog page coming!!! it wuz under construction yesterday, but now i think its done. juz a lil' bit of touch up. im proud. pheww.. never know dat much of patience wuz tested. lolz. will give u guys the address in the next entry. shereen wants to drop the first comment! heheheh.. silly gurl. but i love u juz the same. FASTER COME BACK U IDIOT! *sigh.......
and so.... ive come an end in one part of my life. all i can do now is stand here and stare back at the route ive walked through before... the long winded path i actually have took and came this far... of course it is still as beautiful.. and still look inviting, but i know i shoudnt set my foot there anymore. it is over.... over... it was hurtful at first to know that i have reach a crossroad... to where i have to choose my next destination and be strong...
sometimes... i juz imagine myself walking in an eternity path...
will i ever find happines..?
the weight that carried down my spirit was sooo strong, i cant even cry... i know i can be strong when i wanted too... i thank god for letting me overcome the wat seemed like an impossible then.... i wuz disturbed... the cheerful smile that usually never fail to expose my 32 teeth and make my eyes look even sepet totally vanished... two ends of my lips had to abide the grativy law... it was tough hours before i get everything sorted out.... urmm.... wats dis word in english: the feeling of sayang to let go of sumtin... yeah. sure i do feel dat.. but i wont blame no one other den me. just gotta stand up again, brush all the dirts off my knees and continue running... chasing after my future (a future dat looks so dimmed now.. *sigh...) we are alwayz alone in our life. we arrived here alone and we will take our grand exit alone too... all the love ones are juz there as companion..., guidance, and will only be able to see u thru... coz each and every one of them are alone as well...
everything is a memory now... one of the sweetest memory ive earned in my life... sumthing that can make me smile within my heart and feel glorious when i decide to pluck it out and make a real life video recording in my eyes.... so, dat is why u alwayz hear ppl telling u to be the director or the cutter of ur own life story... never let anyone interfere... coz the outcome is wat u wanna see....
maybe im right, maybe i am wrong.. but i cant help not seeing words and sensing undefine feelings..maybe.. maybe... i wil never get the answer. i can treat my mood but i cant cure the disapointment...
anywayz, dis is part of my unfinished poem:
staring blankly into the horizon, awaiting the summon to be answered.....
but will it ever be.....
wash ashore are the twisted memories of us...
i tried holding onto u..
but it wuz as though i wuz trying to hold on to sand...
*adios! have fun sinking for a few seconds... I wil be posting dis in my new blog page too. but since my page is not oficially declared, so let dis one be here first! take care.....
onli love,
sulin tan... (o5.10pm)
Last Updated: Sunday, 3 July 2005 7:11 P GMT+06 ::
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sulin, tan made this comment,
urmmm.. ok, heres my reply doinks!
ah tan: thanks for the sugestion. but if i have to swallow panadol, i'd rather drink dettol. love the smell! and well, cruel world sure will visit me soon. it never runs away or disapear.
mel: talking about acting... i remember sayin: we are the director, cutter and the main actor/actress in our life movie. hrrmm... as usual, atas pagar, i think one sud noe when to act and when u are not suppose to, depending on the situation. in my case, urrmm.. think acting is unhealthy. so i'd rather choose playing along!
ignorant: yeah. agree wif ur stand: "it takes two to K.O." U have a point there. but... dun forget, one outa dat two has gotta do the opening ceremony and any one of the two gotta do the closing ceremony! and its one RARE chance for both parties to act together! kies?
ignoramus...? : ok, think u are mel. sounds like u. lolz. it is juz a statement to say dat u hate to run away from the truth, but u juz tend to do it. words are easy being spoken. human nature. kiasu, fear! dats why... prolly u are looking from a-must-to-act-in-situation point of view. also right. am a confused kid!
p/s: i never noe my blog page can be transform into a debate guild. wth! and wow! man u guys are as figurative as me! i love it! keep it up! author is enjoying! hahahahhahah! ok, my new blog page is ready! will post it tomoro! yay! gimme comment ya!
comment added :: 3rd July 2005, 19:11 GMT+06
function pS(p){if(p.height>48){p.height=48;}}
sulin, tan made this comment,
Urmm... Talking about killing u two. not onli the two of u. Am gonna try my stealth kill!! WAT DA HECK ARE U ALL COMMENTING?
"...................." says sulin...
first of all, i dunno who is who? well,i sure noe who is ahtan and mel. but the next two, urrmm... very nice nick! *SARCASM MAX* can i use ignore&snore as my nick? lolzz... well, thanks for being so concern. im very touched... seriously... forget it kies guys. love u guys alot... apreciate it alot....
and i dunno who the hell is ignorant. mind introducing?
sincerely, owner....
comment added :: 3rd July 2005, 18:59 GMT+06
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ignoramus..? made this comment,
hahah...i know ur poking at my ignorance, but somehow i'm fairly happy to see that reply. *grin* it confirms a few things for me...though i'm not sure if i'm getting d right impression... anyways, i must say that i disagree ur theory that by acting, we can lessen the hurt. 'acting' is just burying urself, along with ur emotions, down under. maybe i'm different from u. after all, i'm not u. but i'd think: y not show it? u've nvr really tried/gone there. so how d heck do u know that it'll hurt further? y can't it b a remedy to both parties? i hate running away from the truth, or from myself. do u?
p/s: i think she's gonna kill us both as soon as she's back in kl, for turning her blogpg into a msg centre....eeekss
comment added :: 3rd July 2005, 13:29 GMT+06 ::
http://www.melly.blog-city.comfunction pS(p){if(p.height>48){p.height=48;}}
ignorant made this comment,
hey look, there's an actor on the stage, let's go get him!
if you think it over, there's always a reason to all that "acting". it doesn't go one way all the time you know. don't be ignorant like me, u can never know how the other party feels like unless you're in his position. nothing goes one way. if one person feels miserable, the other will too. if one of the two feels unloved, the other person feels the same shit too.... at least i think so. and the only way to prevent this "cut" from getting deeper is to be ignorant, by "acting", ie. leaving another shitty comment like this. i guess ahtan hasn't learned yet. he'll post another one soon.
comment added :: 3rd July 2005, 04:33 GMT+06
