Sunday, February 26, 2006
Contaminated passion
Arggghhhh~! I so hate you ..........! I hate you!!!!!!
I hate you for everything that you have done.
I hate you for what you are doing to me now!!!!!!
What is wrong with you????
I can't even think of it as you are actually missing someone else but not me. I can't even make myself belive that you are finally falling for someone else! Because whatever you wrote and whatever you expressed ---------> I think I am the person bothering you and I am the person you are missing and I am the person you can't seem to forget!!! Yet, there are possibilities, thousand and millions of it that maybe it is someone else. But.... I can feel that the one possibility that it is me, outbeat the rest of doubts haunting me..........
I am missing you maybe.... I can miss you for the next 5 years..... but maybe within the missing... there might not be anything solid. One fine day, I might just snap out of nothingness and reality checks! You are actually a stranger... nothing more than a stranger... Unknown person that has arrived and left unerased footprints in my lifepath... I might like you very much but deep inside... I do not know you at all.....
I can still hang on to you for the next 5 years (that i the minimum) and I know the very fact that we can never be together. throughout the process of not able to let go..... I know very well too that I am going to lose out and sacrifice all the wonderful people who have guts and brave enough to do something. Whether or not they know they stand a chance! Whether or not they think it is a waste of time! AT LEAST THEY FREAKING tried eventhough THE IMPOSSIBLE stand betwwen ME AND THEM!
I JUST DO NOT GET IT!!!!!!!
At least things have been better if we talk over it! Leave it as an open ending! At least both parties won't get hurt. Maybe you don't but I do! since this only applies if the God-Damned blardy thing is mutual! WHY INHIBIT the feelings and FORCE something so divine to stop flourishing? Isn't it like diving head-down towards cemented ground from the 4791374091478903849012380th FLOOR??????
I am FREAKING AWARE THAT THE GOD-DAMNED thing will never worK! BUT AT LEAST TALK ABOUT IT and don't gimme silent TREATMENT! It is so hard for me! You get your damn answer and assurance and i get SHYT!
If you are doing this (whatever it is) so that it could be at least easier for me! You are wrong! If you think by doing this - things will eventually work out! So that the mist and haziness of situation that is engulfing both our head and heart will drift away???? And you will finally grasp the enlighten you want? NO!!! YOU ARE WRONG!!!
But hey, since you have started the whole murky ending, why not play along? I am egoistic. Once I do something and I don't get the appropriate treatment. I will JUST FUCK IT! I will never go down again! I WILL NEVER! All i have to do is tag along and see where I will end up! I am dumb but I can be witty. I am weak but i have subtitutes and back ups!
I MIGHT DIE BUT I WILL REINCARNATE!
I "HATE" YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
